dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
