It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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