Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
then he tried to convert me to islam
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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