can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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