I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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