I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
