ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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