So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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