apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
