arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
