i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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