1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
