you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
