I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
