yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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