whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
