Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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