Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
