Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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