he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
