I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
