I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think your dad took our porno
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
