Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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