I love black thongs
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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