this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
