just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
