Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Randomize
