I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
