my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
