Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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