At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
