Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
