If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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