i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
