just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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