i think my tv is drunk
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
