So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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