So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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