Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
