ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
