Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
