Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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