I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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