it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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