Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
