This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
