You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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