Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
