): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
