ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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