there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
