There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
