Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
