I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
